Are you feeling drained from helping your students with their conflicts? If you constantly find yourself thinking, “why can’t everybody just get along?!” you’re not alone.

Conflict is a normal part of life. We are all unique, and have our own preferences, desires, and priorities. Plus, we sometimes make mistakes or do things to wrong others. This can lead to disagreements, arguments, and even fights.

Of course, it’s okay to disagree with someone respectfully, but if a conflict isn’t dealt with in a healthy way, it has the potential to wreak havoc on a friendship. Thankfully, being able to peacefully work through conflict is a skill that can be built over time through practice and instruction.

If you’re tired of playing “referee,” then it’s time to teach your students these 3 conflict resolution steps. The 3 “C’s” will empower them to work through problems on their own, helping them build their skills and confidence. The steps are: Calm down, communicate clearly, and choose a solution. Below, you’ll find more about each step, as well as activity and discussion ideas.

3 Easy Conflict Resolution Steps For Students

Conflict Resolution Step #1: Calm Down

Conflict with others can bring up some intense emotions. These strong feelings can make it hard to think clearly or make good choices. If we try to work through conflicts while we’re still upset, we may say or do things that we don’t mean. This is why the first step of the conflict resolution process is to calm down.

Some coping strategies that might be helpful for students in these situations include breathing, taking a break, talking to an adult, or doing something else. Teaching kids to make sure they are calm before they try to resolve the conflict will make the rest of the process easier and more successful.

Discussion Prompts For Students:

Have you ever tried to solve a conflict when you were still upset? How did it go?
Have you ever waited until you were calm to try to solve a conflict? How did it go?
If you are upset about a conflict, what are some things you can do to calm down?
Why can it be hard to calm down before you try to work through the problem?

Activity Idea: A glitter jar is a great illustration to use when teaching about this conflict resolution step. When the jar has been shaken, it’s chaotic and really hard to see through it. This is what it’s like when we have strong feelings - it’s hard for us to think clearly. We don’t always make great decisions in these situations. If you don’t have your own glitter jar to use as a visual, you can show students this video.

Conflict Resolution Step #2: Communicate Clearly

Once students are calm, it’s time for them to move on to the second step of conflict resolution. In this step, they will communicate with the other person/people involved about what happened and how they are feeling about it. This is an opportunity for each person to share their perspective and listen to what the other person has to say. This is also a great time to apologize, if needed.

Discussion Prompts For Students:

Tell about a time when you’ve communicated calmly about a conflict? How did it go?
Is it easy or difficult for you to communicate calmly during a conflict? Why?
If a friend of yours has a conflict with someone, what would you advise your friend to say?

Activity Idea: Practice, practice, practice! When students feel comfortable communicating about a problem, it will be easier for them to do it when the need arises.

A great way to help kids with this is to teach them how to use I-Statements. An I-Statement follows the pattern of “I feel _______, when you __________. I want __________.” I-statements are a nice, respectful way to communicate what is going on without making the other person feel upset or get defensive.

To practice, ask your students to share about conflicts they have seen or been a part of. Then, work together as a class or a group to come up with an I-statement that could be used in that situation. Make sure to remind them not to share names of people involved!

If you’re low on time, check out these I-Statement activities that will help kids learn about, and practice, this helpful communication tool.

Conflict Resolution Step #3: Choose A Solution

Once everyone has had a chance to share their perspective, and to listen to the other person’s point of view, it’s time to choose a solution. There isn’t always just one right way to solve a conflict. However, a good solution usually involves each person giving up a little bit of what they want, and each person getting a little bit of what they want. It’s also important to think about how each person in the situation is impacted by the potential solution.

If the conflict is something that has happened in the past, there may not be any way to change how it impacted the people who were involved. In these cases, a solution may be to give a sincere apology, offer forgiveness, and/or create a plan for handling the situation differently in the future.

Discussion Prompts For Students:

What are some solutions that you’ve come up with when solving conflicts?
How can completing the first two steps (calming down and communicating clearly) help with choosing a solution?
Give an example of a good solution to a conflict. Give an example of a bad solution to a conflict.

Activity Idea: Together with your students, come up with an example of a conflict. Then, split the students into smaller groups and ask them to create a list of as many solutions as possible - positive and negative. They can talk through the pros and cons of each solution, and then choose the one they think is best. Then, have each group share their solution and provide feedback to other groups. If time permits, repeat this activity with different types of conflicts that your students may face.

Conflict is inevitable, but these 3 conflict resolution steps will help students learn to work through problems on their own. If you are an educator who loves talking about all things SEL, make sure you sign up below to receive the weekly Counselor Chelsey e-mail! These e-mails are full of time-saving activities, ideas, and freebies that will make it easier for you to focus on the things you love.